Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him." Psalm 2:12
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Last Friday, it was the first parent-teacher conference at my son's school. His teacher revealed who he is, what he does at school. And he did pretty well. We were told that he was at the 5th place, as well as voted vice president, of his class. Highly sociable, loquacious but sensible. In as much as these things matter, I am more of comforted knowing that my child is growing fine in probably many aspects that he can later carry into adulthood.
Through the years, I wrestled to be the best mom that I can be. I practically gave up everything, as for my personal growth and selfish ambitions, and felt the stirrings of longing to be more of a mother than a career woman. I learned to accept what God has set me to do and what He is graciously giving me and my family. Nevertheless, as much as I struggled to be a fairly good mother, I battled several unwanted and unproductive emotions and some of them were envy and self-pity. I often looked at my friends who soar high on their career; other moms who managed to do many things; why their children were relatively better than mine; why they can still dress themselves well while I did not. That kind of feeling, sometimes these thoughts were unbearable--like a foolish girl drooling over her playmates' lollipop.
With God's amazing grace, I have come a long long way...years actually to somehow manage that feeling. I get back to sincerely meditating His words and try to remain focused on what I have gained, and not on what I have lost. I have learned to appreciate everything God has given me--my family, our simple yet happy life; learned to live in joy and thanksgiving; and learned to count my blessings everyday. And these blessings are like sprinkles on a cupcake--here and there.
Whenever I come across that feeling again, I pray and remember His words like in Psalms 16: 11: "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." I should be grateful enough for this and keep that positive focus in life.
